On Monday night, November 8, at just over 3 months old, we noticed that Miller was extremely fussy. He was unconsolable. Nothing that had comforted him in the past was working. We tried bouncing, swaddling, shushing, the pacifier, breastfeeding, etc. We even thought he might be teething a little early because he was biting on everything (which he still does) and drooling a lot. So, we tried some teething rings. We eventually got him calmed down and asleep and attributed the fussiness to "just one of those things".
Throughout the week, he continued to be a slightly more fussy than usual, although not nearly as fussy as Monday night. I also began to notice that he would pull away from me during breastfeeding and fuss a little bit.
By Friday night, I started to think that maybe I wasn't making enough breastmilk for him. After breastfeeding him, I decided to give him some frozen breastmilk that I had in the freezer. He took almost 5 ounces! I thought he was probably just going through a 3-month growth spurt. I couldn't get ahold of a doctor or lactation consultant until Monday, so I decided to do a little research in my parenting books and online. Everything I read said that it was rare for a mom not to make enough breastmilk. They suggested to feed your baby more often and pump after each feeding to try to increase your milk supply. Multiple people said that whatever you do, you should never supplement!
The first time I pumped after breastfeeding, I didn't get a single drop! I was very anxious and afraid that I might be starving him! However, I went against my intuition and listened to the "expert" advice. "Never supplement!" "Its rare to not make enough milk!" So, I decided to try feeding him more frequently and pumping after each feeding until I could contact the doctor and lactation consultant on Monday. On Sunday morning, I began to feel a little "fuller" and Miller began to seem a little more satisfied after breastfeeding. Maybe my efforts were working!
On Monday, I went to see my obgyn to have some bloodwork and to make sure that there wasn't anything wrong with me that could be causing a decrease in my milk supply. My labwork came back normal. He also gave me a prescription for Reglan to try to increase my supply. After a little bit of research on Reglan, I decided to try some more "natural methods" of increasing my supply before using Reglan. Reglan can have some pretty serious side effects.
On Monday morning, I called Dr. Knipper's office and spoke to the nurse. Just before talking to her, I had left a message with the lactation consultant at St. Francis. I told the nurse that I thought I might not be making enough breastmilk. Without asking me any other questions, she told me I should supplement. This was so frustrating to me! She didn't even bother to find out if something else could have been going on. Maybe a decrease in milk supply wasn't really the problem. Maybe he was fussy for some other reason. They should have suggested that I bring Miller in to have him weighed and to make sure that there wasn't anything wrong with him that could be causing the fussiness. She also could have suggested other options for me besides just supplementing. Ugh! You really have to be your own advocate!!
So, I took matters into my own hands and stopped by Dr. Knipper's office on Monday afternoon to have him weighed. By that time, I was beginning to feel that he was a little less playful than usual and possibly even a little skinnier. It turns out that Miller had lost weight. He only weighed 11 pounds and 15 ounces. At his two month appointment on October 19, Miller weighed 12 pounds 5 ounces. Of course, the doctor wanted to see him to make sure there was nothing medically wrong that was causing him to lose weight. The nurse should have suggested this when I talked to her that morning!! (I'm not bitter at all!!)
The doctor couldn't find anything else that could be causing the weight loss and told me that I needed to supplement. She assured me that I was not a failure and that I could just supplement to get over this hump. She instructed me to breastfeed first and then offer formula. As my milk supply increased, the amount of formula he takes would decrease until eventually I was breastfeeding exclusively again.
While I was at the doctor, the lactation consultant called me back. I was able to tell her about the weight loss and she immediately suggested that I supplement. She also suggested pumping and taking an herbal supplement called More Milk Plus. She spent quite a bit of time with me on the phone asking me questions and offering advice. I cannot say enough good things about the lactation consultants at St. Francis. I used their services several times during my breastfeeding experience. They were always kind, helpful, supportive and non-judgemental.
After some tears and talking to Colby, we decided to start supplementing with formula. On Monday afternoon, I gave Miller his first bottle of formula. After two ounces, he looked at me with a huge smile that melted my heart and gave me the confidence that we had made the right decision. It was heartbreaking for me to have to supplement. I definitely had feelings of failure and inadequacy at not being able to provide for my child. My mom and Colby were both so supportive and reassured me that breastfeeding is not the definition of a "good mom" and formula feeding doesn't make you a "bad mom". Taking care of your child is the most important thing! It was such a relief to have Miller happy and healthy. He immediately seemed more content, alert and playful.
Believe me, I have some guilt about this and feel almost ashamed to write this post. The what-ifs go through my mind. I should have noticed sooner. It is my job to take care of him. He relies on me and I let him down. I feel terrible, but have been reassured that I did everything I knew how. In the end, I feel like a huge burden has been lifted and that we made the best decision for our child.
We decided to use Similac Advance formula. I had a can of formula that we had gotten for free at a class or the doctor's office or something. On Tuesday, I remembered that I had heard about a Similac recall awhile back. I dismissed it at the time because we were exclusively breastfeeding. I decided to look up the can of Similac that we were using and it was one of the recalled cans! Apparently there had been a small beetle at one of the Similac factories. So, formula from that factory could have beetles or their larvae. This isn't serious but could cause some digestive disturbances. This just seemed like one more hurdle to deal with after such a long, emotional week.
Some things I have noticed with formula: Miller seems much more gassy. He toots, burps and spits up a lot more. And his poop is a lot more stinky!! He goes a lot longer between feedings 3.5-4 hours. Overall though, he has adjusted well to the formula.
After about a week of supplementing, I realized that Miller was starting to fall asleep at the breast or just play during breastfeeding. I was concerned that he was starting to prefer the bottle over breastfeeding. I was still hoping to go back to exclusively breastfeeding and continued to pump and take More Milk Plus.
I took Miller back to the doctor to have him weighed after a week of supplementing. He weighed 12 pounds 12.5 ounces. He gained almost one pound in one week! Wow!
On a side note: $21.00 for formula!! I don't know how people afford it! We went through one box in a week and a half and we are just supplementing!He seemed to slowly take more and more formula each time. This was the opposite of what I had hoped. More Milk Plus doesn't seem to be helping. I had also tried power pumping-pumping for 10 minutes then resting for 10 minutes for one hour. Nothing seems to be working. I decided to pump instead of breastfeeding so that I could monitor how much milk I was really making. I was only getting about an ounce from each breast.
That was so discouraging! I wanted to give up on breastfeeding. Miller was barely even trying to breastfeed anymore without getting frustrated and fussy. It was taking me about 1-2 minutes to even let down. And it is a lot of work to breastfeed, formula feed, and pump at each feeding and makes it really difficult to do feedings away from home. I understand now why they say not to supplement. Miller prefers the ease of the bottle and the longer increments between feedings hurts my supply. We didn't have much of a choice, however, since Miller was losing weight.
So, on December 10, we decided to switch to exclusive formula feeding. It was an emotional decision and I still miss breastfeeding a lot! It was something that I took a lot of pride in being able to do. It is hard to describe in words the emotional rollercoaster that this long process has been and I am still not sure why I stopped making breastmilk. It would be nice to have an explanation.
Miller is all bundled in his coat. He was completely mesmerized the entire time. He loved it! 
Santa Claus came to town! Our photographer, Brenda Horan, captured Miller meeting Santa. Unfortunately, Santa doesn't have great timing and decided to visit during naptime. So, Miller was a little cranky and we had trouble getting him to smile. Despite everything, I think the pictures were pretty cute! You can check out the photos at 
